analyze this.

so that might have been a bad idea. my worst fear about being single is happening. the dude mentioned yesterday called me on lunch break "to see how i was doing" and then called again tonight to see if i wanted to go to dinner. unfourtunately (luckily) i was busy hanging out with ron. im a bad liar so it made it easier to say no. isnt there some kind of rule about how long you are supposed to wait to call after you hang out with someone for the first time? like 2 to 3 days? i was already feeling not interested and now i am feeling even more not interested. i have gotten myself into what i hope doesnt become a sticky situation. i knew that the day would come when i would have to have the im not into you conversation with someone but i was hoping i would be able to avoid it for a little longer.... i liked making out with him. that was fun. but i dont really want to hang out with him all the time. i have been thinking a lot about my motive behind asking this guy out for beer and im not really sure that i like the reasons that i have come up with. i dont really like to psycho analyze myself... it kinda freaks me out. ok more than kinda.
in other completely unrelated news... i finished my fafsa the other day. and applied for a couple schools. i have been kinda shopping around and i will be interested to see which schools accept me and what kind of financial aid packages i will be able to get. i hardly made any money last year so i am hoping for good news... i have no idea what state i want to go to college in. there are days when i want to go to california. then there are days that i want to go to oregon. then there are days that i want to go to virginia. then there are days when i feel like i should just stay here and go north to farmington or orono. deep sigh. what the heck am i going to do with myself? i stress myself out almost daily thinking about it. kristin is leaving for school in new york so i need to do something. i could just try to find a roommate and stay here. but without kristin ron is the only other friend i currently have in this town. and he is leaving for school in the fall too. everyone is leaving me. i dont like brunswick enough to stay here alone. its a cute town and all but its just not me. ugh. i cant think about this anymore today its driving me crazy.
lets talk about my mamas pigs. my mama is getting 7 piglets this weekend and i havent told her yet but i am totally going to visit and i am going to take a million pictures and i am going to hug and snuggle and kiss them all day long. i cant wait. they are going to be food though so i am already a little sad about it. i kind of annoy myself sometimes. i hate that the animals raised for food are treated like crap and i would much rather them be raised the way my moms raises them. but i eat crap meat from resturants. and hot dogs. and i get upset about my moms meat and dont want to eat it. im annoying. i cant be friends with my food. even though i want to be.
i guess i should go... this post is getting kinda long.

loves.
ames.

late night

i had a pretty fun day today.
i worked.
it was hot.
i asked a dude out for a beer.
he's cute.
we had a beer.
we'll probably do it again.
we hung out too late.
and now i have to go to sleep.

loves.

memorial day week-end.

i have some good pictures to share today. im pretty excited. but also a little sad. this will be the last post that i make containing pictures i took with my trusty sony cyber shot. she has been with me for 4 years and her 4.1 megapixels have served me well. but unfourtunately her flash stopped lighting up. and im not ok with that.
i stopped into good ol' best buy and bought a new nikon with double the megapixels a display screen 4 times the size and memory that i cant even do the math on. lets just say it blows the old one out of the water.
anyway so here are the pictures.
this is the crayon box ive been hanging out in.

these are some pictures from when i filled rons car with balloons. i still dont have one of his actual car to show you because i cant get the one i have off of my phone for some strange reason and i dont have any shared ones yet....
so this is me blowing up balloons. and making awesome faces.

this is a shot of some of the balloons in the kitchen.

this is kristin looking like a rockstar in the kitchen.

this is me still dirty from work taking a break from blowing up balloons to play with them.

since this weekend is a holiday weekend goodall was kind enough to let us have a 3 day weekend.
wooooo.
only we have to work next saturday to make up for it.
lame.
anyway so i decided that it would be fun to go camping. and then i waited untill thursday to think about it. im too distracted. so ron suggested that we go to whites beach in brunswick. i couldnt think of a better plan so we took the long journey from brunswick to brunswick.
this is ron and i from the first night. we are both very photogenic.

we tripped the first night of our trip and these are some of the fun things i saw while out adventuring.

these 2 pictures were way cooler in person.

we ate a lot of food.
this is me enjoying a hotdog.

this was my favorite spot.

i was having way to much fun taking pictures of ron in the tent.
i had my headlamp on to try to make up for the lack of flash.


the next day kelly and trisha came to camp too.
i ♥ this picture very much.

trisha was trying to show me her pictures.
but i couldnt stop looking at her boobs.

ron played his guitar for a while... it was pretty great.
i ♥ singalongs.


this is wade. he works at goodall. he came to visit us. he looks like gumby.

dont be fooled by the retard face. this is the coolest 19 year old i know.
hes not just strong. hes army strong.
seriously.
sometimes the best thing to do with the top of a delicious pineapple is burn it.


mostly i had a super great time. i did a lot of things and i also did a lot of nothing.
my clothes and car all smell like smoke and i hope it never goes away.
i spent a lot of time thinking about what i want to do with my life and i think there is a plan starting to form in my clouded mind. id like to wait for the picture to be sharper before i share but i think im going to be putting the train into motion soon.
alright then.
i have to finish my beer and get back to cleaning up my crap mess from camping. and do the dishes. crap. i hate the dishes.

loves.
ames.

awww. sometimes im cute.

so lets see what have i been up to? well work obviously. i do a lot of that. yesterday was rons 21st birthday. so i blew up a shit ton of ballons and kristin went and filled his car to the ceiling with them while we were working. it was awesome. i will post a picture when i get them...
and then we went out to the old port. it was pretty fun. i only had 3 beers because i had to be the driver but it was still cool. i saw some of my friends. made out with one of them in the ladies room. wink wink. and uh ya... we ate bills pizza and i didnt get nearly enough sleep. it was fun.
i have a few phone pictures to share.
this is rick hanging outside my house smoking butts.
i like rick.

this is ron sitting on the stoop smoking butts.

hes so emo.
and this is me drunk taking pictures of myself.

ok i have to go hang out with my friends now.

loves.
ames.

thats gotta be more than a dollars worth of bottles right in that there bag.

so i have been missing days like crazy lately. its warm out now. thats my excuse. and i actually work now. i was working before but only when it snowed.
um ya so....
i havent really done anything except work since i last posted....
kristin is making shepards pie for us for dinner right now. im pretty excited about that. we are going dumpstering later. hopefully we will find cool shit. bowdoin kids are getting out this week so there are all kinds of cool things in their dumpsters. and lots of bottles and cans. if i had the time and motivation i could probably make a small fortune. i took a bag the other night. i couldnt resist it, it was all liquor bottles. thats right 15 whole cents. kristin returned a ll bean stroller that we found and got over a hundred bucks. its ridiculous the things that people throw away.
you know how i know im gay?
im listening to muse right now and i like it.

loves.
ames.

wasting my saturday afternoon.

so its the middle of the afternoon right now... thats kinda weird. normally i post late at night right before bed. but i am trying to avoid cleaning my room. i have laundry that needs to be put away and i still have boxes that need to be unpacked but wellll... i dont wanna.
i have had the longest week ever. i worked 56 hours at goodall and then i just worked a shift at 158. thank god i have tomorrow off. i would like to do something fun but i think it is going to rain. of course. mother nature hates me sometimes....
kristin and i went to lewiston last night. i had a medium good time. its lewiston so its pretty lame but we went and saw her friends band play and then we went to club texas (which should be renamed dirty-ville) and then we went and saw some other acoustic set at a hotel bar. i danced a bit and had a few beers. i made friends with a few dudes hanging around outside. it was fun. mostly i liked the dancing and beer part. oh and the singing in the car part too. that was fun. i like singing in the car. i just remembered that i have some pictures on my camera... i will upload some right now... hang on.
alright. lets go in chronological order since i like order.
this is a normal run of the mill salamander that i have seen tons of times.
i was still excited enough to bust out the camera phone though.

this is the salamander i found last week.

i have never seen such a hugely awesome salamander in all my life. i couldnt have been more excited. i wanted to keep him forever and ever. instead i just moved him to a new home so that he wouldnt get mulched.
and then this is the dude we went to see last night.

and this is what i did to entertain myself while he played.


he had a very sweet voice but his set was so boring i could barely handle it. and everyone was sitting down sipping red wine. i wanted to cut myself.
and my flash on my camera doesnt work at all anymore. im wicked sad. i need a new camera.
these pictures are from today at 158.
this is a rhubarb flower. kate had cut down all the rhubarb stalks to make pie.

this is the awesome 158 wheelchair. employees like to both ride and rest in it while enjoying cigarettes.

thats all i have for now. pretty good shit i think. especially salamander mcfatty. i am going to hang out with my friends and do fun stuff now i hope. wish me luck.

loves.
ames.

restless brain.

so i missed yesterday. whats up with that? i have been working a lot. and hanging out with my friends.
i like my friends.
this week is flying by. im both glad and sad about that.
i am glad because it means the weekend is almost here and i get to do 2 things that i like a lot. i get to work at 158 and i get to have a day off. weeeee. i wish i had 2 days off but working at the coffee shop is getting me out of having to mulch for 10 hours.
i am sad because working so much is making me hate life. i hate working so much. i want to live my life for me not some stupid job. i hate that what we do for a career defines us. its one of the first things people want to know about when they first meet you. so what do you do? i do lots of shit. landscaping for goodall is not me. i have spent most of my time thinking this week about things that i want to do. i have all these awesome ideas. i want to travel and adventure and do fun things. but then i start thinking about what i really should be doing. which is finishing college.
in maine.
and i get a little depressed.
i want a really rad dude to ride his bicycle into town and sweep me off my feet and take me away on fun adventures. we will travel around with backpacks and live off others excess and roam and scavange and collect treasure.
like a couple of urban pirates.
i have been feeling really restless lately. why do i always get this way? i havent found my spot where i am content.
i want that spot.
i am going to read and go to sleep.
sleeping is over rated but i got a fraction of what is normal last night.

loves.
ames.

mamas day at the farm.

alright here we go... i just spent waaay to much time uploading photos. you jerks better love them as much as i do.
lets start with this awesome picture of me.
you need to wear safety glasses on the farm to keep the black flies out of your eyes.

and then of course i took way to many flower pictures.
i ♥ spring bulbs.
obviously.

and then these are a few of the cool farmy things my mama has.

my mama showed me some stuff.

then she made me dig a hole.

then she did some planting.

mama doesnt like dogs in the garden.

these are the old chickens in the pig pen.

these are the new chickens in the back of a truck.

they like to eat.

i like their legs.

kasey loves peepers too.

mama told me they were for eating.

this is shirley.
surely you wouldnt eat her.
no really shes not for eating.

i fall more in love with the cows everytime i go to the farm.
i officially cant eat them.

the sheep was getting jealous that i was taking so many pictures of evan.
i took a bajillion pictures of kitty too.

i have video of her humping the mud too and as soon as i figure out how to share it i will. i promise. its awesome.
we rode the four wheeler a bit too.

mama wanted to use it for working.

we wanted to use it for riding... so we dumped that stupid cart.

and then mama wanted to go for a real ride too.

and mike.
he has no respect for that machine.

but at least he washed it when he was done disrepecting it.

sophie wanted to go swimming.

shes eager for summer to be here.

the bran muffin is starting to look tired and it makes me sad.

kasey and i rule.

kasey was on a pinecone mission.
she knows pinecones are rad.
she wishes she had come up with the pinecone tattoo idea first so that she wouldnt look like such a copy cat if she got one too...

i tried to climb the pine tree to get some more pinecones for kasey but they were all out at the ends of the branches.

my mama and i are cute.
well mama is at least.
especially with those glasses on.

and this one is from a different day when my mama had gotten a load of manure.
apparently pigs like cow poop.

and this is the face that i make when i have to go home.

so ya... now that i have spent half the night posting pictures i am going to try to do something else that is entertaining.... which probably means that i will watch channel 8 and fall asleep with my kitty.

loves.
ames.

ps. kristin got written up today for pms...seriously.